美国国家公共电台 NPR In New Memoir 'Ordinary Girls,' Jaquira Díaz Searches For Home

 

RACHEL MARTIN, HOST:

The writer Jaquira Diaz has a story about escaping the disasters of her own family. Born in Puerto Rico, she spent her early years in a public housing project. Her mom worked all the time, and her dad...

JAQUIRA DIAZ: My father was a drug dealer¹.

MARTIN: As a child, she would see him counting out the wadded dollar bills he had earned in that deadly trade. Later he moved the family to Miami and found work that was lawful². But Jaquira Diaz says her mother was temperamental, violent and finally diagnosed as schizophrenic. The writer describes their life in a memoir³ titled "Ordinary Girls." She talked with Steve Inskeep.

STEVE INSKEEP, BYLINE⁴: How did you understand what was going on around you?

DIAZ: At first, I didn't really. I thought everyone lived like this because there were so many other families in el caserio that were dealing⁵ with similar things. It wasn't until I was a grown woman looking back at these things and realized how much violence made its way into our everyday lives, into our childhood games, how much we thought that was normal.

INSKEEP: What kinds of violence were there in your home or around your home?

DIAZ: There was a lot of drug-dealing. There were fights. There were raids. The cops would often show up and raid places for drugs and guns. When we were young, my brother and I saw a guy get stabbed in front of our building. That was very common. And so now I look back and I realize how not normal that was, how lucky we are to be alive.

INSKEEP: Although you tended rather quickly into violence yourself.

DIAZ: I did, when I was a teenager. So I was a juvenile⁶ delinquent⁷ who spent most of her time on the streets. At 11, I attempted suicide for the first time. Then a few months after that, I ran away from home for the first time. And then I started getting arrested, mostly for fighting. I was in a state of rage also. I was so angry, and I couldn't really explain why. I didn't have the language for it. And so I turned to what I knew. I remembered the kind of woman my mother had been - in a lot of ways, I was acting⁸ out; I was performing the same thing.

INSKEEP: I wonder if I can get you to read a bit of this memoir.

DIAZ: Of course.

INSKEEP: And what's on my mind is Page 171. At what point in your life are you describing yourself?

DIAZ: So this is when I'm 14. This is from a chapter called "14, Or How To Be A Juvenile Delinquent (ph)."

(Reading) Learn to fight dirty, to bite the soft spots on the neck and inner thigh⁹, to pull off earrings¹⁰ and hair weaves. Slather your face with Vaseline before fights so you don't get scratched, so the blows slide right off without leaving a mark. Keep five or six razor blades tucked in a loose bun on top of your head. In a girl fight, they will always pull your hair. Learn that anything can be a weapon - pencils, bottles, rocks, belt buckles¹¹, a sock full of nickels, a master combination lock. Eventually, you'll carry other weapons - brass¹² knuckles¹³ and pocketknives - but never a gun because what you really love is the fight. Besides, you're not crazy.

INSKEEP: This passage of the book is all the more startling because the young woman who had that experience grew beyond it. For all of her family problems, Jaquira Diaz says her father loved books. She aspired¹⁴ to be a writer. And gradually, haltingly, she found a way to be one. She joined the Navy and says, for the first time, she was surrounded by people who expected her to succeed. She also met a young man who, for a time, became her husband.

DIAZ: He took me home to meet his family, and I saw what a family was actually supposed to look like. These were people who loved each other and weren't afraid to tell each other all the time, who hugged each other, who sat down to dinner and asked each other about their day. And they were loving and happy, and he was happy in it. And I looked around and I thought, this is what I want; I want a family that loves me and shows it.

INSKEEP: You know, when we think about your turnaround or comeback from that, it would be easier, I guess, if you told your story like the hymn¹⁵ "Amazing Grace" - I once was lost but now am found - like a progression from bad to good. But it doesn't feel that way as I read this story; it feels to me like you are in some ways the same kid in different circumstances, and the person you are now was in existence back there at age 8, and maybe there's still a little bit of that family trouble with you now. Is that true?

DIAZ: I'd like to say no, but I think you're right. It definitely didn't feel like I turned my life around; it felt like I was always, from the very beginning, trying to turn my life around. And it took a lot of people and a lot of stumbling and a lot of mistakes until, finally, there were fewer mistakes. It wasn't one thing that turned my life around; it was many different things, many different people who saved me again and again. And I also suffer from major depression, and so every day is a struggle. Even though every day is a blessing¹⁶, I still feel like I could very easily go back to being that person. But I don't.

INSKEEP: The public housing projects in which you grew up...

DIAZ: Yes.

INSKEEP: ...Are they still around?

DIAZ: They're still around, yes.

INSKEEP: Have you been back in recent times?

DIAZ: I have. So I was there a couple years ago. It wasn't a pleasant experience. I hadn't been there in a very long time and - because, I mean, everyone who's ever lived there who has been lucky enough to get out knows that you don't go back. And I did go back, and I wanted to get a look at our house. I went back to my old elementary school, and I walked around. And then while I was there, a boy - sorry, this is very emotional.

But a boy on a bike came up to my car and told me to leave, basically, approached me and said I didn't belong there. And I told him I used to live there, I grew up there and that I know my way around. And he was like, no, you have to leave; you don't belong here. But the truth is that I don't. As much as I love el caserio and as much as it feels like home, it's not my place anymore.

INSKEEP: Jaquira Diaz is the author of "Ordinary Girls," which is a memoir. Thank you.

DIAZ: Thank you.

(SOUNDBITE OF JUAN RIOS' "BUHO")

1 dealer   

n.商人，贩子

参考例句：

• The dealer spent hours bargaining for the painting.那个商人为购买那幅画花了几个小时讨价还价。
• The dealer reduced the price for cash down.这家商店对付现金的人减价优惠。

2 lawful   

adj.法律许可的，守法的，合法的

参考例句：

• It is not lawful to park in front of a hydrant.在消火栓前停车是不合法的。
• We don't recognised him to be the lawful heir.我们不承认他为合法继承人。

3 memoir   

n.[pl.]回忆录，自传；记事录

参考例句：

• He has just published a memoir in honour of his captain.他刚刚出了一本传记来纪念他的队长。
• In her memoir,the actress wrote about the bittersweet memories of her first love.在那个女演员的自传中，她写到了自己苦乐掺半的初恋。

4 byline   

n.署名；v.署名

参考例句：

• His byline was absent as well.他的署名也不见了。
• We wish to thank the author of this article which carries no byline.我们要感谢这篇文章的那位没有署名的作者。

5 dealing   

n.经商方法，待人态度

参考例句：

• This store has an excellent reputation for fair dealing.该商店因买卖公道而享有极高的声誉。
• His fair dealing earned our confidence.他的诚实的行为获得我们的信任。

6 juvenile   

n.青少年，少年读物；adj.青少年的，幼稚的

参考例句：

• For a grown man he acted in a very juvenile manner.身为成年人，他的行为举止显得十分幼稚。
• Juvenile crime is increasing at a terrifying rate.青少年犯罪正在以惊人的速度增长。

7 delinquent   

adj.犯法的，有过失的；n.违法者

参考例句：

• Most delinquent children have deprived backgrounds.多数少年犯都有未受教育的背景。
• He is delinquent in paying his rent.他拖欠房租。

8 acting   

n.演戏，行为，假装；adj.代理的，临时的，演出用的

参考例句：

• Ignore her,she's just acting.别理她，她只是假装的。
• During the seventies,her acting career was in eclipse.在七十年代，她的表演生涯黯然失色。

9 thigh   

n.大腿；股骨

参考例句：

• He is suffering from a strained thigh muscle.他的大腿肌肉拉伤了，疼得很。
• The thigh bone is connected to the hip bone.股骨连着髋骨。

10 earrings   

n.耳环( earring的名词复数 )；耳坠子

参考例句：

• a pair of earrings 一对耳环
• These earrings snap on with special fastener. 这付耳环是用特制的按扣扣上去的。 来自《简明英汉词典》

11 buckles   

搭扣，扣环( buckle的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• She gazed proudly at the shiny buckles on her shoes. 她骄傲地注视着鞋上闪亮的扣环。
• When the plate becomes unstable, it buckles laterally. 当板失去稳定时，就发生横向屈曲。

12 brass   

n.黄铜；黄铜器，铜管乐器

参考例句：

• Many of the workers play in the factory's brass band.许多工人都在工厂铜管乐队中演奏。
• Brass is formed by the fusion of copper and zinc.黄铜是通过铜和锌的熔合而成的。

13 knuckles   

n.（指人）指关节( knuckle的名词复数 )；（指动物）膝关节，踝v.（指人）指关节( knuckle的第三人称单数 )；（指动物）膝关节，踝

参考例句：

• He gripped the wheel until his knuckles whitened. 他紧紧握住方向盘，握得指关节都变白了。
• Her thin hands were twisted by swollen knuckles. 她那双纤手因肿大的指关节而变了形。 来自《简明英汉词典》

14 aspired   

v.渴望，追求( aspire的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• She aspired to a scientific career. 她有志于科学事业。
• Britain,France,the United States and Japan all aspired to hegemony after the end of World War I. 第一次世界大战后，英、法、美、日都想争夺霸权。 来自《简明英汉词典》

15 hymn   

n.赞美诗，圣歌，颂歌

参考例句：

• They sang a hymn of praise to God.他们唱着圣歌，赞美上帝。
• The choir has sung only two verses of the last hymn.合唱团只唱了最后一首赞美诗的两个段落。

16 blessing   

n.祈神赐福；祷告；祝福，祝愿

参考例句：

• The blessing was said in Hebrew.祷告用了希伯来语。
• A double blessing has descended upon the house.双喜临门。