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(单词翻译:双击或拖选)
‘Bad-Mannered’ South Africans Go Back to School
JOHANNESBURG, SOUTH AFRICA—
When people find out what Courtenay Carey does for a living, their body language changes.
“They stand up straighter; they might not talk to me as much,” says the smiling, elegant blonde.
So, Carey no longer tells people she’s an “etiquette1 consultant2.”
“I’ll rather say, ‘I help teach people the social skills to feel comfortable and confident in any environment,’” she says with an easy laugh, dressed immaculately in a black blazer, matching skirt and white lace shirt.
Carey’s education means she’s eminently3 qualified4 to direct South Africa’s first School of Etiquette, located inside the opulent grounds of Le Chatelat in the plush Johannesburg suburb of Sandhurst.
Presidents, kings and queens and captains of international industry have resided at the French chateau-style mansion… But these days it hosts people of considerably5 less pomp and poise6.
For Carey, this place of marble fountains bubbling from manicured emerald green lawns, crystal chandeliers gleaming from pressed ceilings, antique chairs, silver cutlery, fine food, whisky and wine, is the perfect setting for her unique enterprise.
She insists: “I’m not teaching good manners here. I’m teaching behaviors and how to best suit the situation that you’re in. So, we’re actually improving your social skills because etiquette is the fine art of getting along with people.”
Charismatic qualities
Carey opened her school just a little more than a year ago.
“I’ve had everyone from receptionists to top economists7 attending. I’ve had some geniuses – and yet their social skills are non-existent,” she says.
People spend many years learning technical prowess at universities, Carey says, but “to their ultimate cost” they don’t feel the need to perfect their social flair8 and learn how to behave confidently and comfortably.
“If you can interact confidently, you will build better relationships, stronger relationships, get better contracts and earn higher profits, essentially,” she maintains, adding: “Most of the time whether or not you get a big contract or a great job is not about your technical skills. It’s about your soft skills - your ability to be genuinely attentive9 to people and to make them feel important because you genuinely believe that they’re important.”
These are some of the “qualities of charisma” that Carey teaches her pupils.
“There’s things like being truly interested and focused on what people are saying, looking them in the eyes, raising your eyebrows10 and waiting for people to finish what they’re saying… Make the people around you feel important. Make them feel special.
“If you are charismatic, people like you. So, if someone likes you, they will support you, they will help you, they will choose you over somebody else; you will get the promotion11 over someone else. They’ll choose your company (for) that contract.”
Cell phone sins and the proper toast
Carey instructs clients on “polite cell phone behavior,” and says many people lose business and potential friends through careless use of the devices.
“No phones should be seen at any social occasion. They should not be on the table; they should not be in your hand. They should be put away and if you need to you can check it every 45 minutes.”
The cardinal12 rule Carey teaches is to “pay respect and focus” to the person in front of you.
“So if someone is phoning you, you silence that phone and you carry on with the conversation. If you are expecting an urgent call, and you’re going into a meal, or a meeting, you would say in the very beginning: ‘I’m expecting an urgent call so I will have to excuse myself.’ And you sit closest to the door.”
At the School of Etiquette, pupils learn how to deliver a good toast.
“Toasting is not an art, it’s not a science. But many people panic when they have to do a toast, so they mess it up. Others think a toast is a license13 to drone on for an hour. Some people ramble14 and lose focus. What we do here is we give people an equation to work with when giving a toast,” says Carey, explaining: “Begin, be brief and bow out. Begin – say why you are toasting. Be brief – so, we’re paying homage15 to somebody here and what they’ve done really well in their lives and (bow out): here’s to (the person).”
Let the man be chivalrous16
One of Carey’s courses is titled ‘How to be a Gentleman.’ Another instructs women on ‘How to be more Feminine.’
She explains it this way. “A lot of women now believe that because we are emancipated17 and we can be independent and run our own businesses and lives, that we don’t need a man to open a door for us or carry a box for us or stand back for us when we walk through a door.
“But my belief is: physically18, we are not equal; men are stronger than women. So, we need to play to that: let the man be chivalrous and hold the door open for you and be well-mannered; let him carry the heavy box for you…
“I’ve had women tell me they think chivalry19 is dead. But yet when a man opens a door for her, she doesn’t think it’s necessary to say thank you. To her, chivalry is dead because it’s dead in her mind. What I do teach women is that if a man does open the door or do a chivalrous act, you thank him and you look him in the eye.”
‘Terrible’ dining habits
‘The Art of Dining’ is a course that gives Carey an opportunity to identify the “endless” mistakes we make when eating a meal.
“This is terrible – people leaving spoons in their cups when they’re drinking coffee… Not putting your knife and fork together. Swapping20 hands with the cutlery and shoveling the food (into your mouth).”
She teaches that dining follows a “logistical pattern.”
“Everything is done for a reason. You eat from the outside in, so that you clear your cutlery from the outside in, so that it’s not in the way. You tip the soup bowl and spoon away from you so that it doesn’t drop onto you.”
Carey is adamant21: “We’re not teaching people how to be snobby22 diners; we teach people how to dine easier, cleaner and safer.”
Running in a field of lions
Just before the course ends on this recent crisp winter’s evening, Carey plays a motivational DVD to the participants.
Various inspirational scenarios23 - such as a sprinter24 in a race - appear onscreen, tension heightened by dramatic music and the forceful, gruff voice of an American narrator. He exhorts25, “You’re a lion in a field of lions, all hunting the same elusive26 prey27 with a desperate starvation that says victory is the only thing that keeps you alive! So, believe that voice that says you can run a little faster and you can throw a little harder, that - for you - the laws of physics are merely a suggestion!”
After the video, the question arose: Do these students of etiquette feel like lions?
Dudu Tsotetsi and another classmate, Maureen Daniels, laughed heartily28.
Tsotetsi says the School of Etiquette course has “most definitely” taught her skills that will make her “much more confident” in business.
“I’ve learned a lot about making the correct eye contact and body language with people, things that people see before you even start talking,” she explains.
Daniels acknowledges she was initially29 “very negative” when the course began.
“I thought: ‘Oh, it’s another training; another whole day in a session where we’re just going to listen and listen and listen.’ I was wrong.”
Daniels believes the “expertise” she’s learned from Carey will help her professionally and personally.
“We’re coming out with a totally different mindset. We are taught how to be dealing30 with people, and people that we spend most of our times with, being our colleagues and the people at home, being my husband and my kids.”
For Carey, Tsotetsi and Daniels represent “tiny but successful steps” in her mission to improve etiquette in South Africa… But she laughingly insists she can be as “uncouth” as the next person.
“There’s got to be a little bit of excitement in life I suppose!” she exclaims. “I slouch sometimes when I’m tired. I get annoyed when my boyfriend talks to me too much…”
But looking at her seated graciously in an antique chair in Le Chatelat’s ornate cigar lounge, luminescent light from a chandelier shining off her golden hair and pearly teeth, it’s hard to be convinced of Carey’s ability to be bad mannered - an image that no doubt satisfies her steadily31 growing stream of pupils.
Carey attended one of South Africa’s elite32 private schools, St. Anne's Diocesan College, and has a social sciences degree in politics, philosophy and economics and a diploma in entrepreneurship from the University of Cape33 Town.
She’s also a graduate of both the New York School of Etiquette and the Protocol34 School of Washington.
1 etiquette | |
n.礼仪,礼节;规矩 | |
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2 consultant | |
n.顾问;会诊医师,专科医生 | |
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3 eminently | |
adv.突出地;显著地;不寻常地 | |
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4 qualified | |
adj.合格的,有资格的,胜任的,有限制的 | |
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5 considerably | |
adv.极大地;相当大地;在很大程度上 | |
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6 poise | |
vt./vi. 平衡,保持平衡;n.泰然自若,自信 | |
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7 economists | |
n.经济学家,经济专家( economist的名词复数 ) | |
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8 flair | |
n.天赋,本领,才华;洞察力 | |
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9 attentive | |
adj.注意的,专心的;关心(别人)的,殷勤的 | |
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10 eyebrows | |
眉毛( eyebrow的名词复数 ) | |
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11 promotion | |
n.提升,晋级;促销,宣传 | |
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12 cardinal | |
n.(天主教的)红衣主教;adj.首要的,基本的 | |
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13 license | |
n.执照,许可证,特许;v.许可,特许 | |
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14 ramble | |
v.漫步,漫谈,漫游;n.漫步,闲谈,蔓延 | |
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15 homage | |
n.尊敬,敬意,崇敬 | |
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16 chivalrous | |
adj.武士精神的;对女人彬彬有礼的 | |
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17 emancipated | |
adj.被解放的,不受约束的v.解放某人(尤指摆脱政治、法律或社会的束缚)( emancipate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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18 physically | |
adj.物质上,体格上,身体上,按自然规律 | |
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19 chivalry | |
n.骑士气概,侠义;(男人)对女人彬彬有礼,献殷勤 | |
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20 swapping | |
交换,交换技术 | |
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21 adamant | |
adj.坚硬的,固执的 | |
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22 snobby | |
a.虚荣的 | |
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23 scenarios | |
n.[意]情节;剧本;事态;脚本 | |
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24 sprinter | |
n.短跑运动员,短距离全速奔跑者 | |
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25 exhorts | |
n.劝勉者,告诫者,提倡者( exhort的名词复数 )v.劝告,劝说( exhort的第三人称单数 ) | |
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26 elusive | |
adj.难以表达(捉摸)的;令人困惑的;逃避的 | |
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27 prey | |
n.被掠食者,牺牲者,掠食;v.捕食,掠夺,折磨 | |
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28 heartily | |
adv.衷心地,诚恳地,十分,很 | |
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29 initially | |
adv.最初,开始 | |
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30 dealing | |
n.经商方法,待人态度 | |
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31 steadily | |
adv.稳定地;不变地;持续地 | |
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32 elite | |
n.精英阶层;实力集团;adj.杰出的,卓越的 | |
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33 cape | |
n.海角,岬;披肩,短披风 | |
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34 protocol | |
n.议定书,草约,会谈记录,外交礼节 | |
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